Vacuum Therapy

Do you ever suck something up with your vacuum cleaner just because you don’t feel like bending down to pick it up? You know what I mean, Lego’s, hair barrettes,…..small dolls. Well I do. Today I was vacuuming and there before me in the floor was one of Haley’s plastic, magnetic alphabet letters. It was an “H”. “She knows that one”, I said to myself. “Aren’t there 25 more anyway?”, and ran right over the thing. I couldn’t wait. I knew it would happen just like every other time. Click, click, click, click, click up the vacuum hose, making noise, and shaking the handle as it passed by my hand. There is no other cleaning experience that is more rewarding to me than this noisy little one. “1 down, 25 more to go”, I thought to myself.

One day I came home to greet Rick, my husband, who was smiling proudly and looking accomplished from his day off.  He said, “Look Susan, I vacuumed!” “I had noticed it was getting really bad.” I looked at him blankly. He said, “What’s the matter?” “You look disappointed?” After a moment of silence I said, “You won’t understand, so I’m not going to say anything”, but then I did of course because I’m a woman who talks a lot. “You see, I’ve been saving that”. “I was waiting until I was really needing it”. He looked at me like I was the craziest person he had ever seen. The crumbs under the table and the debris on the carpet had been building for days. I had walked past these piles like I do the Christmas tree every year waiting for that bad boy to come down so I can vacuum. Just me and the needles, knowing they will provide the release I seek. The victory. The overwhelming feeling of accomplishment….and it wasn’t going to happen.

I’m working on a product called The DisposAll-Vac. I still have some kinks to work out but hope to have it on the market Fall 2015. It’s like your normal vacuum cleaner but has a wider mouthed hose opening for attachments. Just past the entrance of the hose is an extremely powerful dis-integrator, much like what you find in your kitchen sink disposal. It works great on those more challenging toys and items that your tired old vac just can’t handle. No more shouting and getting frustrated, just get out your DisposAll-Vac.  When he won’t work, because she’s not working, and when she won’t work, because none of it’s hers, the DisposAll-Vac can do the job. Don’t wait. Act now.  For just 4 easy payments of $79.99. Guaranteed to handle even the most spoiled child’s playroom.

But wait, I’m not done. Order now and receive not one but 2 DisposAll-Vacs and give one to a friend who is struggling with unwanted toys and shoes on the floor.

WARNING: The DisposAll-vac is not safe, I repeat NOT safe to use as an attention seeking tool, including sucking at your childrens’ clothing or whacking the side of the couch, due to its destructive nature. But don’t worry, the DisposAll-Vac comes equipped with a loud siren and flashing lights, activated easily by a switch located conveniently on the handle near your thumb, capable of overpowering even the most obnoxious TV volumes.

My precious “H”aley.

In the presence of my Father,

I find the peace I seek.

A safe place of renewal,

I go to……………………

often last.

3 thoughts on “Vacuum Therapy

  1. Pingback: I Want My Hoover Back | Who Dried My Jeans?!

  2. Pingback: Dead Tree Down | Who Dried My Jeans?!

  3. Pingback: D-COMP | Who Dried My Jeans?!

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